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Abstinence |
| Find out more ... Abstinence |
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Abstinence may be defined in a variety of different ways. It can mean no sexual touching at all, some sexual touching, or everything except penetrative sexual intercourse. This can be very confusing as you try to make
choices for yourself regarding the decision to be abstinent or not.
To help you, we have defined what we believe abstinence to be:
Abstinence is a reasonable and healthy strategy to adopt during certain periods of one's lifetime e.g., during the emotionally and physically vulnerable teenage years or it can be a goal to remain abstinent until in a lifelong committed relationship, i.e. marriage. Abstinence - it can be done! To
be abstinent follow these steps:
There are many different factors that play a role in the decision to remain a virgin: religion, caring parents, a sense of personal readiness, the desire to gain control over future destiny. Some quotes ... Alice, 18: "I fear STI's and pregnancy, but above all, I'm not mature enough emotionally to handle the deep intimacy sex can bring." Chris, 16: "Just look at everything - TV, Movies. The culture today makes it seem okay to have sex whenever, however, or with whoever you want. I just disagree with that." Keeping sex special To gain the most from dating relationships with the opposite sex, in a way that ensures your own and your partners self respect, self worth and enjoyment, it is important to value the importance of sex and to be aware of the risks and consequences of having sex. Abstinence keeps sex special through:
Fresh start? Perhaps you have already had sex and you’re thinking that abstinence doesn’t apply to you? You’re thinking it’s too late for me! However, just because you have made the decision to have sex before doesn’t mean that you have to make that same choice again in the future. Also, it is important to know that you are not a hypocrite if you say yes one time and no another, even if it is to the same person. The fact is, it is never too late to start over! You have the right, and the ability, to decide not to have sex again until you are older and are fully ready to the deal with the consequences involved. Having
sex at a young age, outside of a faithful, committed relationship, puts
you at risk of a number of consequences.
Do you want to reduce those risks or eliminate them completely -
it’s your choice! Abstinence
is the only way to eliminate these risks completely - to avoid emotional
heartbreak, unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections. Some facts ...
Contraception is not enough! People may say, sure if I wear a condom I have nothing to worry about. Why should I have to be abstinent? A doctor based in London recently stated, "In my 15 years of general practice I have never seen a single case of unplanned pregnancy resulting from not knowing about or not being able to get contraception." Rather, he quotes that, "up to 80% of unplanned pregnancies result from failed contraception." He goes on to say that "young people who start having intercourse before they are 16 are three times more likely to become teenage parents than those who wait." More quotes ... Chris, 24 (London, England), ...talks about being a virgin. "Of course my friends think I'm weird, but they also respect my decision. As I've told them, you don't miss what you've never had." He goes on to talk about his mates having casual sex, "both sides pretend they're happy, but someone usually gets hurt. I don't want to get into that situation, so kissing is the furthest I have ever gone. I can't wait to have sex but I want it to be with the person I spend the rest of my life with. Most men think differently - but I'm happy with how I am." Christian, 26 (London, England), "It's a great shame that so many young people have to base their relationships on sex. It's only one way of showing someone how much you love them. I reckon if you don't jump straight into bed with someone then you can get to know them on a deeper, emotional level - and that lasts far longer than a bit of passion." Interestingly enough ... the amount of male virgins could be much higher than you might think, even for those in their early and late twenties. It is common for males to feel like they are expected to be having sex and therefore keep the fact that they are still a virgin to themselves. Some may feel that they need to boast about having had sex just to fit in with their friends, to feel accepted - that's why it seems that there are less virgins than is actually the case. A bit about marriage ... Linsey (32) from Carrickfergus, in an article that appeared in the Belfast Telegraph talks about her decision to remain a virgin until she gets married: "Initially, some people have made fun of my ideals, but they always come back to me and say they really respect my decision and say that they wish they could do it too." We have seen that abstinence is possible and a good health choice. What about marriage - is it a good idea? Yes it is! And to back this up an interesting article appeared in 'The Mirror Mag' (February 2003). The article states that a new reluctance to take those wedding vows is impacting on our health. It states, "married people live longer, have healthier, more fulfilled lives, they earn more money and have better sex than those who remain single, cohabit or are divorced." Interestingly the article also looks at those who live with their partner but are not married. The article states that "studies show cohabitees have less stability, more disagreements, go on to have less satisfying marriages and are more likely to break up. Couples who prefer living together are often more wary of commitment and quicker to call it quits when problems arise, so they might not benefit from the emotional rapport married couples share. What does it all mean? Abstinence is possible! More and more young people and adults are doing it and experiencing the benefits of making their decision. Society, friends and the media may suggest it is an unrealistic option - but considering the above information I hope that it has either confirmed to you that you have already made the healthy decision to remain a virgin, or perhaps it has made you think again about choices you have made or are currently making. Remember ... To
be abstinent follow these steps:
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