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| Q1.
Why do males feel the need to rush home and tell their friends after sex?
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| A.
Sometimes those who talk the most about
their conquests are doing least. However if this has been your experience
then I would avoid this guy. What he is doing is immature and he’s
certainly not worth being with if he cares more about bragging to his
mates than your feelings.
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Q2.
I
have been going with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years - I am 16 now.
He was
the first person I've went with and I want to know is it
weird going with the same person
for so long? How do I know if I really love him, I'm so
confused because we still like each
other but no-one else my age is in this situation, why
am I so different?
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A.
Don’t
panic. You are not weird for being in the same relationship for so long.
It’s actually quite an admirable trait to be so committed to
someone for that long. What
you
might consider asking yourself in this situation is
whether or not there is any future in this
relationship. If
you find that your relationship is based on trust, respect, and a solid
friendship, there could be mileage in the relationship.
Forever love invests in the other
person; it puts the other person’s needs above
one’s own. A good
relationship doesn’t
operate to the exclusion of others.
A healthy relationship involves two people that
maintain good same-sex friendships and still go on with
the rest of their lives with family,
activities, and others.
As an expert on relationships says, “Don’t put them
[family and
friends] in competition with your romance, or you’ll
end up splitting yourself in two. And
if the romance dies, you’ll be left with nothing.”
But, if trust and friendship don’t
characterize your relationship, you may be staying in
the relationship for security’s sake or
because you are just comfortable.
If that’s the case, then it may be important for you to
leave your options open to explore other relationships.
I dated my husband for five years before I married him.
We began dating at the age of
16 and were married by the age of 21.
The key to our lasting relationship has always
been respect - especially physically.
We observed some of our friends who thought that
sex would seal their relationship and make it last, and
their relationships broke up. So,
we
drew the line at kissing and didn’t go beyond that.
Looking back we don’t have any
regrets about that decision. I say all that to remind you that sex before marriage can
destroy the relationship sometimes.
So, if you want to have a relationship that lasts, you
may want to keep sex out of the equation.
Ultimately, the choice is yours.
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Q3.
I
am 15 and I've never been out with anyone or kissed anyone. I have lots of
friends who
are boys and I get on really well with them, its just
that no one seems to fancy me. I'm
scared no one will ever like me like this, and if any
boy ever does they won't go out with
me because I don't know how to kiss. What should I do?
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A.
It sounds as if you have a lot of worries on your
mind, although, I was delighted to hear
that you have many friends of the opposite sex that you
get on well with. I think
perhaps
you are in a better position than you realise.
There would be a number of people who
would love to be able to interact with as many boys as
you know. In fact, it might
be
helpful to know that in one particular survey “one in
four men would prefer a relationship
to evolve out of an existing friendship.”
I think sometimes people can put more pressure on
themselves than they need to. Just
because you are 15 and haven’t kissed a guy or gone
out with one doesn’t mean you’re
weird or abnormal.
I think it is important that you dismiss the fear that no boy would
go
out with you because you don’t know how to kiss.
In fact, I doubt if any boy is looking
for a girl who is a good kisser.
In Cosmopolitan, there was a survey done which asked
guys what they wanted in relationships.
It’s interesting that “only one in six men say good
looks are the most important quality in a woman but as
many as two in five think she
needs a good sense of humour.” (and none of them
mention that she has to be a good
kisser.)
Also, there are a number of people who wait until later
to date or kiss and have satisfying
relationships when they are 19, 20, 21 and older.
So, don’t worry or panic. You
are in a
great position to be able to enjoy your current
relationships without the hassle and
complication of what comes with exclusive dating.
Also, I think it’s
so important that you realise
how special you are just the way you
are. A lot
of times, us women get ourselves into bother when we start to compare
ourselves to other people like our friends or even
people in the magazines. It’s
unrealistic
to think that we can look like the models because they
do manipulate the images using
computer software packages.
You must remember you are priceless as adequately
described by this poem:
You’re Priceless
You were born with dignity and worth that no one can
take from you. Not even you
can
take it from yourself!
You are a precious and unique gift.
There
has never been nor will there ever be anyone exactly like you.
Life does have meaning and it is your task and
challenge to discover it.
You have an irreplaceable
contribution to make to your family and society that no one else can.
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If you have a question that is not answered in the
above selection please go to
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submit your question online. We will be glad to
answer any question that you may have.
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