| Q1.
Is sex sore?
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| A.
For
some girls sex can be painful the first time. That is why it is
important that the first experience is with someone who loves you and will
be gentle with you.
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Q2.
Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?
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A.
Yes,
and you can get pregnant the first time you have sex. You can also
get pregnant if you do it standing up and even through heavy petting if
pre-ejaculate or semen comes in contact with the vaginal opening.
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Q3.
Is
it compulsory that you obey your own religion when having sex?
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A.
Your question is a good one as you are obviously
thinking through the choices you face
and your own personal values and beliefs.
I think that all choices that a person makes can either
be consistent or in contradiction to
their own personal moral or ethical code.
Often when we choose to do things that are not
consistent with our background or personal beliefs we
feel guilty.
I think that we all have our own personal choice to
make in so many areas of life –
nothing is ultimately forced upon us.
Often though when we choose and behave in a way
that is consistent with our own personal values we are
more comfortable and contented
with the choices we have made.
I hope this is helpful and I wish you well for the
future.
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Q4.
I am having difficulties with my girlfriend she keeps telling me to play
with her G spot and I feel under pressure when she
asks. Could you tell me
where her G spot is please?
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A.
The G spot is one of the erogenous “excitable”
spots around the female genitals that
brings about arousal in the foreplay leading up to
sexual intercourse. Is that
what you intend?
Be very sure as you are entering territory that leads
to sex. Remember how easy
pregnancy can happen and how easy infections can be
picked up.
Have you talked this through as to what you both want
from the relationship? It is best to
concentrate on good communication first.
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Q5.
I recently got very drunk and ended up having
unprotected sex with a girl I met that night. Should I get checked
out? The possibilities of having caught something are now
playing heavily on my
mind, but what does this involve and where do I get
this done?
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A.
Thanks for your question. You certainly have put yourself at risk of
picking up an infection or causing pregnancy through
having had unprotected
sex and your mates are wise recommending you get
"checked out".
Local genitourinary clinics (GUM
clinics) through blood tests, urine tests
and swabs from the urethra
(passage you pass urine through) can do what is necessary to give you
the all clear or to find out if you need any treatment.
There are GUM
clinics at the Royal, Daisy Hill,
Altnagelvin, and
Coleraine hospitals (Northern Ireland).
A
phone call from yourself asking for the
genitourinary
medicine clinic (you don't have to give your name or
details) would let you
know the clinic times.
Be wise concerning alcohol misuse next time as it can
lead you to choices
that with hindsight you may not have made.
Condoms do make sex medically
safer but remember even then that some infections, e.g.
wart virus, genital
herpes, can be passed even if condoms are used
properly, without "accidents"
every time.
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Q6.
I've
only been seeing my boyfriend for 2 months but I'm so close to him its
unbelievable. We're both virgins and have talked about sex.
He came to
the
family planning clinic with me and I got the Pill, but haven't yet
started
it. He doesn't think I'm ready so we have decided to wait a while.
I'm
not
under pressure, I really want to have sex with
him as he is the one I
want
to loose my virginity to soon.
I wish I was ready. How
can I make sure
I'm ready without having regrets?
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A.
Thanks for the question I hope I'm able to help in some
way. It sounds to me that you've got a great boyfriend who not only doesn't
put you under
pressure to have sex but also wants to make sure you
don't do anything you
will regret. Sounds like he has your best interests at
heart.
If you have such a great relationship with this guy do
you really want to
jeopardise it by having sex? Statistics show that the
average length of time
a teen relationship lasts after sex enters the picture
is 3 weeks!!! I'm not
sure why this is but I know that when a couple start to
have sex often other
more important aspects of their relationship are
forgotten like friendship
etc. because they tend to focus too much on the
physical side.
I know your feelings are really strong and its
perfectly natural to want to
have sex but you have to decide whether its going to be
worth it. Think of
the possible consequences, you could get pregnant, you
could pick up an
infection, you could risk jeopardising a great
relationship - how will you
feel emotionally if you split up and you've lost your
virginity to him?
These are all things you have to think through
seriously before you make any
decisions.
You may think that you are in love but is that enough?
The average person
falls in love 7 times in their life! Imagine the
consequences if you slept
with everyone you fall in love with.
I hope you don't think I'm trying to spoil your fun
because the choice is yours
and I'm not trying to take that away from you. But I don't want you to
have regrets in the future or put your health at risk. Be Sure!
If he really loves you he'll respect your decision no
matter what it may be.
I
really hope you make the right choice and that things
go well.
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Q7.
I have being going out with this girl for nearly 6
months now and we always have sex. I don't mind the sex but I'm really worried that she
might get pregnant. She doesn't worry at
all about it. My girlfriend is only 14yrs old but is
more mature than me.
What
should i do?
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You are certainly wise to be concerned, as even though
your girlfriend “doesn’t worry at
all” about pregnancy it is a really big issue and
could happen very easily. You
don’t
mention either you or your girlfriend view/uses of
contraception but even if condoms are
being used properly every time without any accidents
there are pregnancies every year
when condoms are used alone for contraception.
They certainly make sex “safer”
infection wise but not “safe”.
Anyone who is making the choice to have sex needs to be
ready to deal with the pregnancy consequence if it
occurs.
Have you both talked
through
what you would do if your girlfriend became pregnant?
What would families, friends
think? What
would it mean school wise, future wise etc.
I am sure you are aware you
are both underage in relation to sex.
Have you discussed trying to “cool down” the
physical side of the relationship and maybe
spending less time alone, maybe going out together more
with friends? Are you sure
you
are making your own choices in this relationship and
all that’s happening and where things
seem to be going is what you want.
Finally if this relationship does end at some stage in
the future, think through whether you
want sex to enter the equation so early in your next
relationship. Remember you
are in
control of these things and it is good to talk it
through with your girlfriend so that neither
feels pressured or uncomfortable.
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Q8.
I have just become
a Christian and there is this girl who really likes me
and I like her, and we have been going
out a bit but she wants to have sex and I don't want to. I don't want to say no
in case she
gets offended! What can i do?
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A.
Thanks for confiding in us about your situation.
Obviously your decision to become a
Christian would have implications on your decision in
this area.
Has she communicated to you her desire for sex or do
you just think she may want sex?
Either way, you might want to ask yourself the
question, “Is this relationship liable to last
if your beliefs are so different?”
Most likely your choice to become a Christian is leading
you down a different road than perhaps the road she has
chosen.
I admire you for your desire to stick to your beliefs
no matter what. It would be
very
good for you to communicate what you want out of the
relationship. If appropriate,
you
may want to approach her and tell her that you do
really like her, but you’re not in a
position to have sex.
Communicate when you think sex should be a part of a relationship
and then draw the line where you feel is the safest
place for you physically (where you
are still in control). Another good way to identify
where to draw the line could be to ask
yourself, “Where would I want my future children to
draw the line physically?”
Most likely she will respect your decision to say
“no” to sex, but if she is offended, she
may not be the best for you. Her response might dictate the next steps you should
make - whether to stay with her or not.
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